A Time to Be Grateful
By Dr. Robi Ludwig

After a recent event for my child’s school, I stopped to speak with a dear friend. She told me a very interesting story about a mom she knew. My friend noted that she asked this person in a friendly conversational way, “How was your Thanksgiving?” and was amazed at her rare candidness, not so typical in today’s culture. “Not so good”, she answered. “Our apartment is on the market and we just sold our country house.” My friend was a little shocked and surprised by her honesty and I must admit; so was I. So when my son handed me a looooooooong list of gifts he wanted and didn’t have, it got me thinking. Why is it so easy to focus on what we don’t have instead of what we do, and how can we correct this self defeating habit? I call this state the “Why don’t I have the this or that syndrome?”

During a recession, it’s hard not to feel the emotional sadness and stress that accompanies a down trodden economy. As a mother of two, I certainly want to impress upon my children the importance of appreciating what we do have and not to focus too much on what we don’t. As a psychotherapist, I also know if I want to have this kind of positive impact on my kids, then I better practice what I preach and figure out how to do this appreciation thing for myself. Yes, I know this is sometimes far easier said than done.

So, why is it so hard to be grateful for what we have? It’s because we are aspirational creatures by nature. We are constantly looking to evolve, to get to the next level of development and one of the ways we do this is to look at what we don’t have, who has it and then figure out to go about getting it too. When we feel we can’t get what we want, it can lead to feelings of depression, deprivation, anger, and envy. The problem is the more we focus on what we don’t have, the more enraged and miserable we feel. It’s a dangerous and often self-defeating cycle. Sometimes it can get us to feel badly about ourselves, our spouse, or in my son’s case, probably his mother.

While it’s good to be ambitious, and to think about where we want our lives to go, it’s also important to realign our values and appreciate what we’ve already achieved and more importantly, to appreciate the loving people in our lives. Doing this, can actually calm our feelings and highlight what we have and what we have already accomplished. Gratitude generates gratitude, and that’s the truth.

So how can people feel good about themselves, when they may not be able to shop till they drop this holiday season (which you know, is only a temporary fix anyway)? How can you look at the life you have in a more positive way? To quote my Grandma Ida’s philosophy, “Count your blessings”. Grandma Ida was always able to instill in me the real riches in life, which are based on who you are, the unique gifts you can only give to the world and the importance of the special people in our lives. It’s really important not to look in the wrong direction when assessing ourselves. Here are some tips on fostering an attitude of gratitude:

1) Take stock of what you do have and be grateful.
2) Let the special people in your life know you love and care about them (Yes, that means telling them).
3) Be philanthropic: Help out those in need and those who have less.
4) Understand life has peaks and valleys. No dire situation is forever…. Thank God! And finally…………………..
5) Control the areas of your life you can control as positively as you can.

Wanting more for ourselves and our family doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It’s good to want to grow and acknowledge our dreams, but it’s equally important to remember the goals we’ve achieved along the way, both professionally and personally. There will always be people who have more and there will always be people who have less. One must develop the skill of appreciating the richness of who he/she is and not take for granted the riches which are already firmly implanted in their lives. Continue to share yourself and what you do have with those around you. After all, we all know that’s what the holiday season is really all about anyway! Enjoy your accomplishments, enjoy our loved ones and have a wonderful holiday season. Happy Holidays!!!!

Dr. Robi Ludwig

Quote for the week

“We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.”

Norman MacEswan