Till Debt Do Us Part
By Dr. Robi Ludwig

You’d have to be living in Siberia right now to not know about the financial crises felt around the world. It seems like no profession has been untouched by the new economic climate we’ve all found ourselves in. Everyone seems to have a theory as to what caused this financial disaster, how long it will last, and what we need to do, in order to get ourselves out of it. I’ll be honest with you; the last thing I am is an economist. And the truth is, I still count on my fingers when no one’s looking, but I certainly know about finances and relationships, and how not having enough money (whatever that subjective number is) can cause a heck of a lot of stress in people’s lives. Whether we want to admit it or not, money does make life easier, and when there’s less of it, certain adjustments have to be made.

Money is the third wheel in a relationship, and it’s not a particularly romantic third wheel either. Especially when a couple has to talk about what they need to cut back on and/or what they can no longer do or have (at least for their immediate future). It can feel like a huge loss and embarrasses and assaults one’s ego. After all, who wants to have or do less? Who wants to give up on their dreams for the future? This “having less” idea is an understandably upsetting one. I know I don’t like it. Yet, many people have to make some pretty tough, yet necessary choices when it comes to altering the way they look at their finances these days.

Money is harder to talk about for most people than sex, weight or even age. Can you imagine? We tend to link money with our self worth, power, freedom and success level. Most of us would rather prance around naked than talk about the detailed intricacies of our various bank accounts. This is one of the reasons why couples have such a hard time addressing money management issues in their relationships. We don’t really have a blueprint for how to talk about these stressful issues. In fact, finances are one of the leading causes of divorce according to the experts. And these days, some couples are even too poor to do that. Some couples are staying together because they can’t afford to get divorced.

But here’s the good news, learning how to talk about finances, especially during economically challenging times, is a skill that can be learned by even the most fiscally challenged. And learning how to do so can help the most stressed out relationships turn that corner for the best.

So, what’s key to handling financial stress with finesse and grace?

Develop a new mindset. View making the most of what you have. When you get a craving, ask yourself this, what do you want more, financial health for myself and my relationship or immediate gratification which I will have to pay for later?”

Make friends with reality. At some point, if you’re going to make the most out of your life, you have to say, “Okay, this is what it is right now, so how are we going to have a good life together?”

Don’t be negative. Don’t assume your future will be worse than your past because you have less money now. In fact too much focus on money and material things tend to undermine psychological well being as well as physical health. Don’t play the blame game, play the brain game. Now is the time to focus on solutions and not let anger or blame undermine your relationship.

Love and successful relationships are the most important ingredients for living a happy life. Most setbacks offer an opportunity to learn important lessons as well as create new approaches and opportunities in life. In some cases it can lead to a more rewarding life than you had before. Remember……happiness is a choice. Together with your partner, you can consciously choose to make the most of what’s going on with your situation.

If you or someone you know is interested in sharing your story about finances and stress, please contact me. All info will remain confidential. Gathering info for a book I’m writing on the topic.

“Power comes from living in the present moment, where you can take action and create a future.”

Sanaya Roman