Novemeber 3, 2008

I Can Never Truly Love You, Willow Benefit
Contributor: Jennifer Wright, Contributing Editor

Look, Willow Awards and Benefit Gala to Benefit the Lower Eastside Girls Club – you are a great benefit. A really great benefit.  And I am sure you are going to make somebody completely, totally happy. Our night together, on October 28^th at 20 Elizabeth Street? It was magical.

You had your witty celebrities, your Rosario Dawson. You had your artists’ raffle, which included the Robert Gober “ Man Dog Mask” which sold for over $28,000. You had your gracious gay men, who offered me a seat at their table so I could partake in your dinner rather than hanging back around the cocktail table with the rest of the press.  (Thanks, Tim Balboni of the festive and colorful business card! I will indeed attempt to find the venue in which your boyfriend DJs!)

Sure, I know you were probably in part just keeping me around because I was showing off my new hat from The Hat Shop on Thompson Street , but I imagined that was a given on some level. And it’s not that you weren’t generous. You even had your cool gifts, the book Red, Teenage Girls in America Write on What Fires Up Their Lives Today. And I don’t want to make it seem as if I was just using you for the book. Although, to be fair, if not for free giveaways, I would spend my entire life reading memoirs written by mid-eighties celebrities that I find in the $1 bin at The Strand. Or, you know, chick lit in the $3 bin at Book Off.

Sadly though, in spite of all that, in spite of all the good times, I just don’t think you and I are meant to be.

Stop crying, Willow Awards and Benefit Gala for the Lower East Side Girls Club. It’s not becoming for a benefit of your stature. Besides, it’s not you. It’s me. And by that, I mean it actually is you. Seriously, Willow Benefit, I could see it coming early.  The minute a benefit offers a Chinese themed dinner - served in a Chinese themed restaurant no less – the fear of God is struck into my heart.  If it’s a French themed dinner, or say, the party the New York Public Library Young Lions threw on Monday night (the 27^th) to celebrate Ina Garten’s new cookbook, I know it’s all going to work out. I mean, okay, I know Ina Garten started the whole Barefoot Contessa industry, and she’d probably be pretty neat no matter what, but I also knew that it was fair to assume chocolate brownies would be served. And were they served? Yes. Yes, they were. They were made with a touch of coffee beans, too, and that is how I know that Ina Garten cared and wanted me to savor her delicious offerings. Also, I think she told me with her eyes when she autographed her new book for My Father.

Willow Benefit, you did not offer me brownies lightly accented with coffee beans to give them a deeper, richer texture. You did not offer me any chocolate at all. No, Willow Benefit, for dessert you offered me a sad little cupcake. A sad little vanilla cupcake with a fortune cookie stuck in its frosting. I tore into that cupcake with my frenzied paws, attempting to find the mounds of chocolate hidden inside, but there was none, Willow Benefit. There was none, and the table of gracious gay men all looked at me, puzzled by my despair, the pile of crumbs, and my frosting coated fingers.

But I was not technically a guest, you point out, Willow Awards and Benefit Gala? Well, while I think you are only saying that because you want to hurt me the way I have hurt you, I suppose that is true. But you did not know that, Willow Awards and Benefit Gala. It is quite possible that I might have been a paying guest, and if so I would have been expecting something flourless and chocolate. You see that smile on the Donald Baechler Mask you raffled off? That’s the smile of someone who  had a waiter pick up something made out of cocoa beans, put it on a plate, carry it over to the table, and deposit it in front of her so she could ingest it, put it in her belly, and be happy forever. Or at least, for the next five minutes. You see the completely blank face of the Tom Otterness Young Visionary statue? That is the “I thought there would be a chocolate torte, and instead there is only this cursed fortune cookie cupcake” face.

No, Willow Benefit. Offer me no more of your Piper-Heidsieck Champagne or your watermelon flavored Flor de Cana Slow Aged Rum cocktails. Tempt me no more with your raffle prizes including every season of Sex and the City. Don’t send your friends like Kiki Smith to beg and wheedle with me, even though she is Kiki Smith and she looked really cool.

I am resolute. I know it seems hard right now, but believe me, there are better people out there for you. You are probably going to keep seeing Frances Goldin and Bob Holman, both of whom were honored for their outstanding work with the Boys and Girls Club. And to be honest, I was going to ditch you for the Escada opening this Thursday at Saks anyhow. But I’ll always be glad we knew each other, and I’m glad that you probably played a part in making me slightly more svelte for Escada. Or you would have, if I hadn’t run into a bodega for Reese’s Pieces immediately after leaving you.

.........................................................................................................

October 27, 2008

The Beautiful and Damned
Contributor: Jennifer Wright, Contributing Editor

When I received an invitation to the Nerve.Com and Hendricks Gin party at The Box that stated “inspired attire required” my first reaction was “Ha! Ha! They know how to rhyme words. Because “inspired” and “required” rhyme, and “attire” kind of almost does. Actually, that may not be entirely true.  My first reaction might have been pleasure that in Candace Bushnell’s latest novel One Fifth Avenue she had all her movie stars partying at the Box – but I am reluctant to admit that I memorize details in Candace Bushnell novels to that extent.

My second (third) reaction was, ‘what a great opportunity to break out my new Moschino dress! It has lace on the bottom. Lace is “inspired.”



Then I called My Mother who laughed at me. “Isn’t Nerve.com kind of for those Sex and the City type articles? Isn’t The Box supposed to be Chuck Bass’s club on Gossip Girl? With the burlesque?” she asked, “I thought you’d probably wear your Moschino dress to Christmas dinner.  With Grandma.” She helpfully informed me that “inspired attire required” actually meant “dress like a circus person.”

“A carny?” I asked

 “A sexy carny. “

My mom is so smart! Because a smart person knows that the appropriate attire to the party was to recreate that Moschino dress entirely out of vintage lingerie.  It was the right plan. Though, to be fair, it did garner me a few funny looks at Freeman’s where I went with Conde Nast good soldier Peter Feld pre-Box. He informed me that eight years ago, at Freeman’s, The Bush Daughters entered and asked for a table. They were informed by the owner that none were available. “When will one be available?” They asked.  “No time in the next four years,” the owner replied. Here is a picture of Freeman’s. You will note the empty tables:



The story made me love Freeman’s just a little bit more. Though not as much as the Box.  Or not as much as the Box on that party on October 20^th  when the Box apparently decided to become an Evelyn Waugh novel.  It would be hard not to love any place where nearly nude acrobats are flipping through hoops suspended from the chandeliers. The waiters were dressed in pig masks that can only have been inspired by the lovely and talented Box sketch artist Molly Crabapple’s work. She mentioned that she always likes to display “the porcine rich” in her depictions of the Box.  Just as she does here:

The prohibition style atmosphere was, of course, enhanced by the Rosie Lees being served (a rose infused gin cocktail, served in champagne glasses and garnished with a rose petal).  There was also ice cream infused punch and a bathtub full of gin, though I can’t help but wonder that the abounding quantities of highly flammable alcohol didn’t worry the fire eaters. A fantastic crowd was gathered inside, including John Carney (a sexy Carney!) of Dealbreaker renown who noted that in light of the economy, the 1929 atmosphere was kind of appropriate.

And was I the best dressed there? Not even close (though again, thanks Mom).  Here are some pictures of people who did the outfit thing far better than I could ever hope to.








And, if only so you can compare it to the Moschino, one of me:



It was, to be fair, the best party ever. At least until next week.

.........................................................................................................

October 20, 2008

Popular Mechanics Parties Are Cool - Really!
Contributor: Jennifer Wright, Contributing Editor

Whenever I hear parents talking about not wanting their children to play computer games, I cock my head to the side, curiously, and wonder, “Why are they so fearful of their offspring growing up to be city planners?” That is because I spent my entire childhood playing SimCity, in which the goal was to zone an entire city and manage any problems that might arise. It taught me about taxes, and residential versus industrial zoning. As I recall it also taught me that no one riots if there are police stations on every corner, and that you don’t necessarily need to build schools to make a populace happy. (At age seven I was very anti-school). So my cities generally consisted of completely uneducated people who were policed at all times. Taking that into consideration, I suppose it is a legitimate concern that children who play computer games may grow up to be fascists. 

However, I take it that wasn’t a great worry for anyone at the Popular Mechanics Magazine Breakthrough 2008 Conference last Wednesday. Especially not Will Wright, the creator of SimCity, who I met! Look! Here is a picture of Will and me together!

I told him about building police states as a child, and how much I loved SimCity, and SimLife, and SimEarth, and for that matter SimAnt. (Yes, I was the only child who played SimAnt, and I took it very seriously.) Will Wright replied, “Really? I think of those as being boy games.” This is not true. They are games for girls who later grow up to be immensely excited about attending Popular Mechanics parties. 

Was I the only one who wanted to attend the event? Oh no, I was not! Buzz Aldrin, the second man to walk on the moon was there, too. I think he was with a lot of friends as half the people there appeared to work, or had worked, for NASA in some manner. Lonnie Johnson was there as well. He invented the Super-Soaker, which is another thing you probably remember really fondly from childhood (or now, if you are a militant PETA member.) Mr. Johnson informed me:

 1) that the Super-Soaker backpack mounted gun is no longer available, because kids were filling it with all sorts of crazy stuff, and

 2) that he is now working on a more ambitious project to create a heat based source of electricity, and

 3) that he holds over 100 patents.

I am hoping he can hold that technology ransom until the backpack Super-Soaker is put back on the market.

He recited the following:

Some years ago, a man walked into a room and was mystified to see another individual hunched over a strange device. The man was completely absorbed in it. The man without the device found it intensely disturbing that anyone should be so strangely focused. He speculated, because the other man hardly noticed his presence, that he might be bewitched. He reasoned that such devices were bad for people.

The time period in which this story was first recorded was the 15^th century. The device was a book.

.........................................................................................................

October 8, 2008

Review of W and Motherhood
Contributor: Jennifer Wright, Contributing Editor

In a time when so many things seem to be going wrong, it’s nice to see that at least a few upcoming movies are doing everything right. That doesn’t just refer to the focus on right-wingers in Oliver Stone’s new W due out October 17th. Oliver Stone has obviously focused on a few political leaders before Bush – like JFK, and Nixon – but this is his first depiction of a President still in office. As such, unlike Nixon the character of Bush doesn’t have time to reflect upon the effects of his presidency, and as such he’s played without any sense of guilt (as was the case in Nixon).

Bush doesn’t exactly get off easy – the movie has him saying, “he’s always misunderestimating me” in the war room when deciding to invade Iraq. However, Josh Brolin does manage to play him with some of attributes that appealed to many voters. Oliver Stone noted that, when he went around the country asking people what it was that they liked about Bush, one man told him that he liked that Bush never smiled when he was upset, and he didn’t pretend to feel things that he didn’t. Bush’s scowl is a marked contrast from Barack smiling and nodding while McCain attacks his policies. Stone also noted that Bush brings cowboys to many people’s minds. Josh Brolin clearly does his best to capture both those qualities in Bush, and plays him with a great dose of “good old boy” charm. Moreover, Colin Powell (Jeffrey Wright) is portrayed surprisingly kindly as a very sane man in government gone haywire. Meanwhile, the gnomish Karl Rove (Toby Jones) is positively creepy, and Donald Rumsfeld (Scott Glenn) looks somewhat less than amused that Bush persists in calling him “Rummy”. People of both political parties should find the movie fascinating.

That said, naturally, the movie does turn a great deal of its focus on Bush’s foibles. It will certainly not endear him to the intelligentsia. When first meeting Laura Bush (excellently portrayed by Elizabeth Banks) and being informed that she’s a librarian, Bush desperately attempts to come up with a book he’s read. When he does arrive upon one it’s about conservative politics, which wins no favors with the then liberal leaning Laura. He then attempts to impress her by telling her that she can be his education advisor. Altogether, the character of Bush seems somewhat inept, roguish and desperate for his father’s approval, but in a way that can be perversely charming. That is, until he becomes President and his behavior begins to have grave repercussions. 

The mothers of the West Village probably weren’t big fans of Bush, overall. However, they’ll surely enjoy the new movie Motherhood starring Uma Thurman which’s release date is still yet to be announced. This mood piece captures a day in the life of a mother living in Manhattan’s West Village attempting to prepare for her daughter’s sixth birthday party.

You might think to yourself that there’s nothing all that exciting about watching a harried mother run around in New York – you could go outside, and see that any day. And it is true that the movie is slow on action. However, it’s entirely worth watching for its charming insider knowledge of New York, and the West Village in particular. It had me the moment that Uma Thurman’s character informed a group on the Sex and the City bus tour that the West Village was a neighborhood, not a theme park. And again, when another mother in the playground told her that she drove in from Connecticut because this was the playground where the movie stars took their children. Meanwhile, the six year old child who wants to inform Uma Thurman’s daughter that when she turned six all her friends got sundaes from Serendipity 3 before having carriage rides around the park, is a perfect example of a kind of Manhattan competitiveness that starts early.

On a deeper, less comedic level though, the film captures the delicate balancing act between trying to retain your own identity, and accepting the responsibilities that come with adulthood, and motherhood. In one of the more poignant moments in the movie Uma Thurman jumps up and down to music with an Indian delivery boy, before quickly shutting the music off and ordering him out of her apartment. Just like everyone who attempts to be a genuine grown up, Uma Thurman’s character has moments where she wants to break free, but finds herself tethered down by her loved ones. The fact that she’s a former writer of lyrical short stories attempting to win a blogging contest in which the essay topic is “what motherhood means to me” somehow makes it all the more moving, as it perhaps offers the character a way to bridge her former and present self.

Blog Archive

Jenga is Ten Times More Awesome...
The More Weddings I Attend
Life in NY Really IS just like Gossip Girl!...
Mysteries of Fashion Week
Bagley Mishka
The Stylish Keri Hilson
Brian Reyes Show
Get To The Root Of Your Problem